Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Dear MO lawmakers,

I am going to confess something just between you and me.  I have a superpower.  I have the ability to look into the future and predict what what will happen.  It’s not on all things or trust me, I would have already quit my day job, launched my highly successful reality television show on TLC and have a celebrity client list a mile long who would also be my BFFs.  My ability to predict the  future only applies to anti-gay bills.  I will use my superpower to predict what will happen if you pass SJR39.

SJR39 is a bill that (if passed) would grant protection for people who oppose gay marriage.  Goods and services could be denied if people oppose gay marriage.  Photographers, bakers and florists could deny services to gay people seeking those services for their wedding and SJR39 would provide protection to deny those services.

“A few of them (committee members) have asked for more time, because they’ve gotten legal memos just today and they’ve asked for more time to consider them,” state Rep. Elijah Haahr, R-Springfield, said Wednesday night.

As you consider those legal memos, I will predict the future if you pass SJR39 and hopefully this will provide you with a little clarity on what you should do.


Enjoy a good rock concert?  I know I do.  You can kiss those goodbye.  Just look at other states that have passed similar bills and all of the rock stars that now refuse to play those states in protest.

I have tickets to the Dixie Chicks concert in Kansas City this summer.  I think you and I both know this is a band that never misses a good protest.  They will cancel their concert.  The only thing KC fans will have to look forward to is me standing in the P&L district weeping and singing “Not Ready to Make Nice” at the top of my tone-deaf lungs.  Do you really want to be responsible for that hot mess?


I hear Republicans are pro-business.  Well, legislation like this is as anti-business as you can get.  Just look at the names that are against this legislation.

  • Warner L. Baxter, chairman, president and CEO of Ameren Corporation
  • John R. Sondag, president of AT&T Missouri
  • Steven H. Lipstein, president and CEO of BJC HealthCare
  • Jerald L. Kent, chairman and CEO of Cequel III, LLC
  • David Kemper, chairman and CEO of Commerce Bank
  • Larry Ryan, president, energy and water solutions, The Dow Chemical Company
  • David P. Hatfield, president and CEO of Edgewell Personal Care Company
  • James D. Weddle, managing partner of Edward Jones
  • George Paz, chairman and CEO of Express Scripts
  • Sam Fox, founder of Harbor Group
  • Mark Trudeau, president and CEO of Mallinckrodt Pharmaceuticals
  • Rob reeg, president, MasterCard operations and technology
  • Hugh Grant, chairman and CEO of Monsanto Company
  • Jack Dorsey, CEO of Square
  • Joe Reagan, president and CEO of the St. Louis Regional Chamber
  • James G. Powers, president of UniGroup
  • Mark S. Wrighton, chancellor of Washington University in St. Louis

You know something is seriously wrong when SJR39 has put me and Monsanto on the same side of an issue.  As a flaming liberal, I’m not really comfortable agreeing with Monsanto on anything.  Can we just wrap this up, kill this bill and I’ll go back to hating Monsanto?


Moving on to another area – sports!

And who doesn’t love sports?   Pass SJR39 and college sports will be heading elsewhere.

Good news is that I have a weekly card game that I will live stream for your sports enjoyment.  Let’s see…college basketball vs. ladies playing cards  I think it’s a win-win.


How does that religious freedom look now?   Pass SJR39 and that’s what you have to look forward to.  How about if you do the state of Missouri a favor, stop considering this bill and move on?  You and I both know it’s the right thing to do.   If you need a quick reminder this week, I’ll sing you a few tunes of the Dixie Chicks – you will start hating life and quickly defeat this bill.  Trust me.


Yours for using superpowers for good,







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