Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

You can hear me every other Thursday night on the Darla Jaye show on 98.1 FM, KMBZ.


In the news…


My article with Crooks and Liars: Why I registered as a Republican. (July 2014)

KC Star:

Do I dare become a Republican? (3/25/2014)

My interview with CNN on gun control.(July 16, 2013)

Fox 4 Kansas City interview on the Eddie Eagle Program (Jan. 30, 2013)

KC Star Article (4/2012)

My interview with the Pitch

Name: Aimee Patton

1329254515-aimee_pattonHometown: Leawood

Current neighborhood: Overland Park

Who or what is your sidekick? My daughter, Amelia, 5, and our kitten, Harry Gary

What career would you choose in an alternate reality? Talk-show host. My show would be a combination of Fashion PoliceTalk Soup and Meet the Press.

What was the last local restaurant you patronized? Bo Lings

Where do you drink? Anywhere they make a great cosmo.

What’s your favorite charity? — doing amazing things with microfinance and clean water all over the world. A lot of people don’t realize they are located here in KC.

Favorite place to spend your paycheck: At a craps table with a hot pair of dice.

What local phenomenon do you think is overrated? Fireworks anywhere around the city. I think they are boring. I go see them because it is required as part of my job description as a mom.

Where do you like to take out-of-town guests? The Plaza

Finish this sentence: “Other than the Kauffman Center, Kansas City got it right when …” It revitalized downtown. Growing up, downtown was empty at 5 p.m. Now when I go down there, things are hopping. I can even hail a cab if I need one. That is a sign that our little city has grown up!

“Kansas City screwed up when it …” Approved the eighth-cent sales tax to create a “world-class zoo.” Let me write in bold, I LOVE ANIMALS, but I had a hard time seeing all the penguin signs all over the neighborhoods when there are so many serious issues facing Kansas City, Missouri. I am a friend of the zoo, I frequent the zoo, and I love the zoo. But I think that money could have been used for education, crime prevention, snow removal, etc.
“Kansas City needs …” A Bloomingdale’s. What can I say, I lived in D.C. and I’m spoiled.

“People might be surprised to know that I …” Stood in the middle of the Sahara Desert once and took part in a condom-education presentation; had a cat that was a Hallmark model; sucked an ant’s butt in a rain forest in Australia; got lost once and ended up asking for directions where the Last Supper was held; have traveled to a place named Ouagadougou; sold funeral plots as a telemarketer in high school; could go on and on.

What TV show do you make sure you watch? The Daily Show

___ takes up a lot of space in my iTunes: Barry Manilow. Yes, I’m a fanilow.

What movie do you watch at least once a year? When it finally comes out, it will be Arrested Development, but for now it is … Juno.

What local tradition do you take part in every year? Jiggle Jam

Person or thing you find really irritating at this moment: Tossup between the Personhood Amendment and cilantro. They both seem to be everywhere.

What subscription do you value most? The Daily Beast and Vanity Fair

Last book you read: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling

What is your most embarrassing dating moment? I once went ice skating on a date, and I was showing off going backward very fast. I went to turn forward and tripped. On my way down, I thought it would be a great idea to not land on my hands, for fear I would break my wrists. I have pretty ample boobs and thought if I landed on my boobs, they would cushion my fall. I hit the ice hard with my chest, and my boobs did not turn out to be the best defense. I knocked the wind out of myself, and the ice-skating ref kid skates over and yells, “Ma’am, are you OK?” I pretended to be fine, but I broke my rib.

No. 2: I went out on a group date in college to the Edge of Hell. It was my first experience with a haunted house. I am very afraid of the dark. A ghost popped out of the ceiling and scared everyone. I dramatically fell to the floor in sheer terror. While doing so, I peed my pants. I went to a very small college, and that embarrassing moment spread like wildfire around campus, so everyone got to share in my embarrassment.

Interesting brush with the law? During college, sitting in my car with friends, drinking beer and listening to the radio. I didn’t realize as a young lady that listening to the radio without the car running would burn the battery out. I was book-smart, not common-sense smart, people! Cop arrives to find us in a dead car with beer cans littered around the car. I convince him that the beer cans were just there when we arrived, and he gives us a ride back to campus. Twenty years later, thank you, officer!

Describe a recent triumph: My most recent triumph is declaring to friends and family that I hate goat cheese. I tried to fake it for years because it seems so trendy to like it. I’m finally out of the closet: I hate goat cheese, all types and flavors — and yes, I’ve tried your kind. It will never touch my lips again. I have embraced my uncool status and triumphed over my Johnson County suburban insecurity.

Aimee Patton is one of the 2012 “Midwest Voices” columnists for The Kansas City Star.

2 thoughts on “Narcissism Page

  1. Tom Gould says:

    Where is this posted?.. I just wanted to leave a brief personal reply for Aimee so that she might be more aware of a perspective but I don’t care to taunt, troll or PSA pander..

  2. Bud says:

    So……. You tell the world that you don’t own a gun???? guess where the scumbags are gonna go!?……… 😦

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